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Satansplain #067 – Church of Satan: Cosmic Joy Buzzer (1975, 1976)

Satansplain explores writings from Anton LaVey from 1975 and 1976, debunking some of the internet myths from deceased devil worshiper Michael Aquino.



00:00 – Intro
01:48 – Internet stories about the 1975 “schism” and the “theistic Satanists” who parrot them
06:12 – “Hoisted By His Own Patois” (introduction)
11:25 – “Hoisted By His Own Patois” (letter by Anton LaVey, 1975)
20:32 – Satanecdote (“Devil’s advocate” / “Match made in heaven”)
22:30 – About “Cosmic Joy Buzzer”: introduction
23:50 – “Church of Satan: Cosmic Joy Buzzer” (Anton LaVey, 1976)
32:12 – About the phrase “Phase One Satanism”
33:38 – Essay, continued

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Satansplain #066 – 1966, The Black Flame, Get a Life!

The number 66 may not be 666, but it does prompt us to take a look at the year 1966, with the book “We Are Satanists” offering much insight into the foundation of the Church of Satan. We’ll also hear Anton LaVey’s later message to the scavengers and detractors of what he established (“Get a life!”), and the meaning of “the black flame”.

00:00 – Intro
03:20 – On (not) joining the COS: valid reasons and invalid reasons
09:41 – More lame reasons we hear
12:28 – Anton LaVey: “Get a Life” essay
16:13 – Santecdote
20:48 – Will AI replace comedians?
23:11 – The Black Flame
27:47 – Excerpts from “We Are Satanists” (and misuse of “Anton”)
30:15 – “Anton LaVey invented Satanism”
32:40 – All religion founders had their influences
34:21 – More from “We Are Satanists”

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Satansplain #065 – Satanism vs. Humanism

A look at Satanism and humanism, their similarities and more importantly their differences. Though to do that, we’ll have to first unpack some bigger topics, such as what makes a religion a religion in the first place. Also, some listener mail about Satanists and social media, as well as Satanic baptisms.

00:00 – Intro
01:21 – The Satanic Bible: “Humanism is not a religion”
02:27 – Satanism is a religion. Non-theistic religions exist. Yes, really.
05:16 – Atheism is not a religion. Neither is monotheism.
06:18 – Dogma: Why the Boy Scouts is not a religion
08:32 – The Dogma of Satanism
10:44 – What do we mean by “Humanism” / Renaissance humanism
13:27 – Secular humanism
15:33 – Similarities: Atheism and Freethought
17:24 – How Satanism and secular humanism differ (myth of “The Greater God”, etc.)
29:09 – Satanists on (or aren’t on) social media
33:40 – Satanecdote: Spam from da Hood
35:35 – Getting a Satanic baptism
40:22 – Bill M. is Marq Torien?

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Satansplain #064 – The Good Old Days

Were the “Good ol’ days” really all that “good”? We’ll explore Anton LaVey’s essay on the topic (spoiler: the answer is, “No!”), and a related college commencement speech from 2024 on the irrationality of claiming collective victim status, paying homage to George Carlin.

00:00 – Intro
00:58 – Satanism and how it relates to this topic
03:56 – “The Good Old Days” by Anton LaVey
20:10 – Satanicdote: Satanism lecture at an ESL class
23:20 – Introduction to the commencement speech
24:24 – “To the Class of 2024: You Are All Diseased”

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Satansplain #060 – The 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth

The 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth! While they’re straightforward for most Satanists, Satansplain addresses common questions and misconceptions about things like “lairs”, “mating signals”, “destroying”, “magic”, and other details.

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Satansplain #059 – Dr. Vincent Schitz, PhD in Satanic Memes

Church of Satan Reverend Dave Wallace steps in to interview the team behind the infamous Satanic memes page, “Dr. Vincent Schitz, PhD in Satanic Memes”. Hear all about the history of the page, its past and present meme makers, their creative process, and answers to questions submitted by Dr. Schitz fans. Also, visit the new Satansplain store (store.satansplain.com) for Dr. Schitz merchandise!

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Satansplain #058 – Closet Satanist Relationships, Ritual Elixirs, Video Games, Other Listener Mail

Bill answers listener mail on elixirs in Satanic ritual, indulgences vs. addictions, Satanists in marriage, and other topics.

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Satansplain #056 – Past Occultism, 7 Hermetic Principles, Creationism

Occultism of the past! The 7 Hermetic Principles! The cosmic questions of human origin! Hear why none of these things are really applicable to Satanism.

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Satansplain #054 – George Carlin and Artificial Intelligence

Recently, Artificial Intelligence was used to artificially construct a new comedy special of deceased American comedian George Carlin, titled “I’m Glad I’m Dead”. Hear a Satanic perspective on George Carlin, this A.I. creation, and A.I. in general, including the limitations of both A.I. and human intelligence.

00:00:00 – Intro
00:02:14 – Summary
00:05:38 – Who was George Carlin?
00:08:11 – Backing up my fanaticism / What makes Carlin Satanic
00:14:20 – Preface to “Brain Droppings”
00:19:01 – About “I’m Glad I’m Dead” and my review of it
00:26:49 – Review, part 2
00:34:25 – A.I. and Pentagonal Revisionism / Carlin’s creativity
00:37:55 – How does A.I. “work”?
00:41:40 – Is the human mind much different? / The limits of categorization
00:48:32 – Unsatanic conclusions
00:52:54 – Fuzzy Logic
01:01:22 – Human nature
01:04:45 – The related fallacy of “Satanism is anything I want it to be”
01:06:48 – The creation of something “new”

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Satansplain #053 – Let’s You And Him Fight!

“Let’s you and him fight!” cry the onlookers who’d like to see Satanists spar with Christians for their public entertainment. Let’s not. Also: the Satanic calendar year, the concept of I-Theism, and a surprising email from Nigeria.